Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Day Twenty: Journal of Infinite Testimony on When You Get To The Top Of Fuck Mountain All By Yourself

When you get to the top of fuck mountain all by yourself you will have many realizations. First, you will ask yourself what was the point to get all the way to the top of the mountain so fast. Did you enjoy the view on the way up? When you get there will you take lots of selfies and publish them to the internet? Will there even be an internet connection at the top of fuck mountain? Will you have been the first on the top or the last? Will there be a lot of garbage at the top and if so who brought it there? Are you the only one who exists at the top of fuck mountain or are you just in some weird time warp where everyone gets to go to the top but not at the same time? Is the top of the mountain even real? Could you have gotten there faster if you had ridden your high horse? Will you miss your friends? Did you have any real friends to begin with? You will ask yourself a million and one questions and every time that you ask yourself a question you will find an answer but you will question that answer and find another answer and question that question.

You may even sit at the top of fuck mountain for an eternity asking and answering your own questions. This will cause you to wonder who is the first, who is the last and who is in the middle? Are you real or some figment of your own imagination? Is your imagination a figment of your own idea of yourself? You will know what you know. You will wonder why you don’t know what you don’t know. After you ask, answer and find millions of solutions for the same questions over and over again your mind will eventually become tired and it will become silent. This will be the first moment that you are able to understand the peace that all of the great religions have talked about in the past. In the beginning, you will think you have gone mad because once your thinking stops you will think that you don’t exist because your thinking was what you thought you thought you were and that was the only way for you to exist. You will accept and find peace with that.

You will still doubt and question yourself a million times over because you will wonder on the past, why you didn’t do this right, why you didn’t do that right and you will be right back into the trap of the mind again right after you experience the profound thing called peace. You will continuously go back and forth with these glimpses of peace and then these questions of why nothing is happening anymore. This is when you realize that nothing needs to happen because your thoughts are just like arrows being shot into the sky. You will become the greatest archer in your own mind. Shooting aimless arrows in the beginning but eventually, you will get tired of having them get shot back into your own heart. Eventually, you will shoot them straight to the heart of all matters. This will open your heart up wide and vast. Because of this, it will open up all the supposed separate hearts around you who come into close proximity of you.

At first, blood and gore will fall out onto the earth and you will feel like you are being punished and that you are punishing. This soon will pass. You will realize that for every demon you have ever had; they really were angels just trying to set you free but your resistance to them is what made them into devils to begin with. At the edge of said mountain, you will see a man appear. He will teach you how to fly. You will, at first, be scared because you have only known life with your feet always on the ground, always attached to some idea, concept, a theory of yourself. A copy of yourself, a memory of yourself, a conversation of yourself to the other and the other to yourself. You will at first hate this man because he will go against everything you have ever known. You will doubt the capacity of being able to fly because you won’t see that you have had wings the whole time. They have just been closed. This man will push you so hard to the point of breaking in certain moments but this breaking is necessary because in order to be able to fly you will have to be able to break through the velocity of all of the clouds, debris and the theoretical ideas of gravity.

Your whole world will turn upside down. You will see the politics of all of life. You will see the priest finally as the devil. The devil as the savior. The politician as the talker of promises. The talker of no promises as the real one who can keep them. Everything will seem very disoriented at first but this is because you have never flown upside down before. You have only seen the right side up-ness of gravities fate. Once you get the hang of this you will fly into the ionosphere. You will hear about the One. You will realize that the One is completely connected to the All and that the All is completely connected to the One.

You will laugh as you break free from the whole idea of this. You will make contact with space for the first time. You will see infinity. Infinity will be the first amazing experience for you because all of your incarnations have told you that there is only one path. You will see All the paths simultaneously. You will get to choose any which way, any which one and even none. Your choice will not matter to you anymore because you will know that the truth is the truth and it is not as important as what you think the truth is but how you also feel about it. How you feel about what you think ‘about’ and how you actually live according to the ideas will bring you anywhere in the whole entire universe. You will for the first time even know exactly how it is to be completely free from all ideologies, belief systems, religions, sciences, political parties, sexes, races, nations, creeds and any other boxes that get buried into the ground by eternity.

You will say thank you to all of the amazing moments, all of the amazing people, all of the amazing amazingness of your entire existence experiencing the experiences of the crystallization of your soul. You will for the first time merge with all of the existence and this time; it will no longer be bigger than you. You will be in complete alignment with it. Equal to it. For the first time, you will experience the joy of the pure moment of all moments.

You will no longer be able to write books theorizing All and Everything and Nothing because for the first time you will be All and Everything and Nothing. You, Other, Each Other will no longer have any meaning.

Everything will mean nothing to you but you don’t have to take my word for it. Just climb up the mountain. You are it.