When you get to the top of fuck mountain all by yourself you will have many realizations. First, you will ask yourself what was the point to get all the way to the top of the mountain so fast. Did you enjoy the view on the way up? When you get there will you take lots of selfies and publish them to the internet? Will there even be an internet connection at the top of fuck mountain? Will you have been the first on the top or the last? Will there be a lot of garbage at the top and if so who brought it there? Are you the only one who exists at the top of fuck mountain or are you just in some weird time warp where everyone gets to go to the top but not at the same time? Is the top of the mountain even real? Could you have gotten there faster if you had ridden your high horse? Will you miss your friends? Did you have any real friends to begin with? You will ask yourself a million and one questions and every time that you ask yourself a question you will find an answer but you will question that answer and find another answer and question that question.
You may even sit at the top of fuck mountain for an eternity asking and answering your own questions. This will cause you to wonder who is the first, who is the last and who is in the middle? Are you real or some figment of your own imagination? Is your imagination a figment of your own idea of yourself? You will know what you know. You will wonder why you don’t know what you don’t know. After you ask, answer and find millions of solutions for the same questions over and over again your mind will eventually become tired and it will become silent. This will be the first moment that you are able to understand the peace that all of the great religions have talked about in the past. In the beginning, you will think you have gone mad because once your thinking stops you will think that you don’t exist because your thinking was what you thought you thought you were and that was the only way for you to exist. You will accept and find peace with that.
You will still doubt and question yourself a million times over because you will wonder on the past, why you didn’t do this right, why you didn’t do that right and you will be right back into the trap of the mind again right after you experience the profound thing called peace. You will continuously go back and forth with these glimpses of peace and then these questions of why nothing is happening anymore. This is when you realize that nothing needs to happen because your thoughts are just like arrows being shot into the sky. You will become the greatest archer in your own mind. Shooting aimless arrows in the beginning but eventually, you will get tired of having them get shot back into your own heart. Eventually, you will shoot them straight to the heart of all matters. This will open your heart up wide and vast. Because of this, it will open up all the supposed separate hearts around you who come into close proximity of you.
At first, blood and gore will fall out onto the earth and you will feel like you are being punished and that you are punishing. This soon will pass. You will realize that for every demon you have ever had; they really were angels just trying to set you free but your resistance to them is what made them into devils to begin with. At the edge of said mountain, you will see a man appear. He will teach you how to fly. You will, at first, be scared because you have only known life with your feet always on the ground, always attached to some idea, concept, a theory of yourself. A copy of yourself, a memory of yourself, a conversation of yourself to the other and the other to yourself. You will at first hate this man because he will go against everything you have ever known. You will doubt the capacity of being able to fly because you won’t see that you have had wings the whole time. They have just been closed. This man will push you so hard to the point of breaking in certain moments but this breaking is necessary because in order to be able to fly you will have to be able to break through the velocity of all of the clouds, debris and the theoretical ideas of gravity.
Your whole world will turn upside down. You will see the politics of all of life. You will see the priest finally as the devil. The devil as the savior. The politician as the talker of promises. The talker of no promises as the real one who can keep them. Everything will seem very disoriented at first but this is because you have never flown upside down before. You have only seen the right side up-ness of gravities fate. Once you get the hang of this you will fly into the ionosphere. You will hear about the One. You will realize that the One is completely connected to the All and that the All is completely connected to the One.
You will laugh as you break free from the whole idea of this. You will make contact with space for the first time. You will see infinity. Infinity will be the first amazing experience for you because all of your incarnations have told you that there is only one path. You will see All the paths simultaneously. You will get to choose any which way, any which one and even none. Your choice will not matter to you anymore because you will know that the truth is the truth and it is not as important as what you think the truth is but how you also feel about it. How you feel about what you think ‘about’ and how you actually live according to the ideas will bring you anywhere in the whole entire universe. You will for the first time even know exactly how it is to be completely free from all ideologies, belief systems, religions, sciences, political parties, sexes, races, nations, creeds and any other boxes that get buried into the ground by eternity.
You will say thank you to all of the amazing moments, all of the amazing people, all of the amazing amazingness of your entire existence experiencing the experiences of the crystallization of your soul. You will for the first time merge with all of the existence and this time; it will no longer be bigger than you. You will be in complete alignment with it. Equal to it. For the first time, you will experience the joy of the pure moment of all moments.
You will no longer be able to write books theorizing All and Everything and Nothing because for the first time you will be All and Everything and Nothing. You, Other, Each Other will no longer have any meaning.
Everything will mean nothing to you but you don’t have to take my word for it. Just climb up the mountain. You are it.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Day Nineteen: Journal of Infinite Testimony on The Real Revolution Will Not Be Televised, There Will Be No Audition, You Are Not An Actor
By the time, we wrote this down it had already been too late but that didn't mean we shouldn't write it down. Just in case, there is anyone who wishes to read it. That's if anyone wants to take the time out of their busy lives being busy. To read something worthwhile besides the same old stories of birth and death and war and destruction. Anyone idiot with a fraction of a piece of shit in their head can write that kind of story. All you have to do is cut the cord that connects you to the source of your origins. That's easy. Everyone has been reading and writing that sort of story since what we know the beginning of time is. Ever since we took two sticks and rubbed them together and made a fire we have known how to do that sort of thing. Then after that, we as what is known as man took the woman by her hair and dragged her across millennial while we killed things bigger than us.
Made up stories about us being the biggest thing to ever happen and then we devised a million and one ways to try and escape our own traps that we set. Although now this story is different. Maybe even to call it a story might not even really do it much justice. It is more like the thread of life attempted to be conveyed through words. Except for the meaning is wherever your own understanding of what this life is for you. You that you know yourself to be without any doubt. Whatever point of reference in time that you can say that you would exist, could exist and do exist. That is the first place where we would start this story or thread of words that you give meaning to.
The other thing that I can most definitely tell you that this is not. This is not a thread that is about being above or below or being left or being right or one talking and not listening or one listening and not talking or one up on top of a mountain or one in a valley. One that is rich or one that is poor. One that is hungry or one that is full. One that is for or one that is against because none of these states of times or points of reference even really truly matter. After all, they are all just made up things. Made up points in time that we choose to only see from the linear perspective that they all are. Children's fairy tales if you will. Leading you down a million and one pathways to the same place. A long narrow corridor with infinite doorways all empty rooms explored or unexplored. Furniture or no furniture. Everything inside or nothing filled to the brim with no lock and no key. No contract and no signature because even if you knew the terms you wouldn't even agree to them. They would be an insult to the very thing you were created from. Too vast to hold or comprehend. Too narrow and confined to jump in.
Everything leading right back to itself and itself back to nothing and nothing literally being everything all at once. This same thread could be expressed in many ways. It could be written, drawn, fucked, killed, let go of, held onto, moved, fixed, broken, healed, diseased, molten but could never be bought, sold, borrowed nor could you steal. Never attained unless one saw all and never complained. Even rhymed you could time it because clocks aren't really ticking. They just piss people off because they watch it and see what they are missing. It's also funny how far out brings you closer when you see the ghost that resides in the cloister. If you keep your ear to the ground then you can hear all that has listened. If you defer from the sound then you can still see it glisten. You will see what you will see but no one can you even tell. Even the smallest whisper and the loudest yell will do you no justice. The center is the compass. It shows you just us. You and me and me and you. Until there's no separation through and through.
There's no escape. Nowhere else you can go. It doesn't matter the language you speak. The things you believe. Doesn't matter which gender, nation or creed. You can advertise it all you want. It's like selling freedom to a slave. Eventually, the navel becomes the nave. But if you see yourself drowning you will have to know how to swim. No one is jumping in to save you. You are the prophet, the aleph, the king. Just know there is nothing lost. Noah's ark got tossed because you were born with the ring. The ink is just as good as the paper it was printed on. You cannot be a prostitute unless you have a john.
You cannot have logic without poetry. A rose without a thorn doesn't have any beauty. The dark without a light continues to be the void. There is no peace within there and it will just leave you to feel annoyed. You will continue to move this way and that but that is only if you use your head as more than just a place for a hat. You will continue to feel sex in the predatory glow. It is an unquenchable thirst no matter how many seeds you can sow. No matter how many gardens you can say you can plant. A termite is not too much different from an ant. We do have to honor our wild animalistic need. The fuel without a fire doesn't burn the promiscuity. It's equivalent to being lost in the woods eventually you have to keep walking right through hades.
So keep walking until you cannot walk anymore. Keep talking until you cannot talk anymore. Keep listening until you cannot listen anymore. Everything you say. Everywhere you go. Everything you do will eventually be everything you can show. If you stay completely on your knees then eventually they will give way. They will only keep showing you that you bleed for another day. Also going up on the cross will only make you cross so you will have to come down. To wear the crown of thorns of ego shows you the endless trip around and around. Trust me when I say the ship doesn't sail in the middle of the desert it is only made of sand. Then the wind blows it completely away. From space, the earth is only water and land.
Also, there really is no lie when you know the truth. Empirical data will not bring you the proof. You can spin infinite webs and call yourself Charlotte but eventually, you will see you are just a harlot. A charlatan, the village idiot, a midget and a dick have so much in common with a bigot, a pussy, and a prick. They connect in the same land Cypriot. Ejaculating orgasm will lead to that ecstasy but never before plication finishes it's Iliad and odyssey. Shapes always fit their mating call cue. That frequency you can't hear before it is due. The scene cannot be set when no one is to be seen. We have to put the real back in reality. So why worry that the mirage is fake and the illusion unreal.
The cup is the only form empty of the sand lake. Everything outside can look like an endless contradiction when a contradiction is not expansion and opinion, not non-fiction. Addiction is just an idea with the little voice in your head. If you keep listening to it the sooner you will be dead. There is no audience there to put to sleep. Just slice that one cord that keeps you from going deep. When you get to the bottom it will flip the other way around. That is the role of the sand grain in the hour glass. Soon it gets turned around.
The queen of hearts was just one more frigid bitch. She is more like the wicked west then she is like Glenda the good witch. Those little munchkins that hung themselves in the trees were just scared of the monkeys mimicking flying Maltese. We know now how that story went down. Just a bucket of water thrown in her direction no one saw lack of emotion in the wicked witch of the west's disconnection. No one saw that life in that world was just a dream. Right, when Dorothy woke up she saw the conscious stream. The symbolism of all the real people in her life. The scarecrow, the tin man, the lion and the strife. What she did see is that home is already where she is but sometimes the tornado looks a little different upon close up. The center of the storm. The eye of the hurricane. That is the surest shore of the flattest plateau plane. Everything else outside just gets thrown about. The simplest. The complex even the straight line route. The trick is ascent and descent at the same time. This is the dance of the opposites with the sound of a rhyme.
This is the writing of this all out right on the first try. It shows you need no effort with no mind. This is the real revolution that will not be televised. There will be no audition. You will have to improvise. You will have to connect directly to infinity. There is no second chance of a state of originality. The original cannot be copied. The look cannot be replicated. You know you are either it or you are just domesticated. International travel also makes ignorance null and destroyed. We are spiritual beings transcending the void. You are not your iPhone also not your Android. A computer can only give you answers but never looks at what you seek or the seeker. You have to look through your own eyes for the peek to get deeper. The game you're playing with god, the universe or the truth or the reverse will not fool anyone except for you. There's one bullet, one killer, one mother, one trigger, no action, no drama and no thriller besides action you take. No separation besides the one that you make. The pen is still mightier than the sword. It still doesn't leave a trace.
Call the NSA they can only listen because they have no real face. They should just take notes and learn from the real masters. A fashion's gain is temporary. The classics are classic. The renaissance is happening again and again. The spirals going upward. The wolf died in the den. The spinning of circles well they will always spin. The headlines in the newspaper will never show you what is within. They only want to sell shit to a garden. Makeup couldn't even cover up Elizabeth Arden. The real flowers will grow. The seasons will change. It's good to ask yourself the question what's my original face? What's my original name? Can it be said out loud or does it fall on deaf ears? Does the illusion only grow when you are too busy counting the years? Existence only exists in this one pointed time. Stop comparing whether the bitter is different from a lemon or a lime. The monkey mind swings from branch to branch the same as cows continue to be slaughtered from the same ranch to ranch. Poison in the sting from the honey bee can't replace the drones they leave when there is no queen. The production of honey it then diminishes then the pollination of flowers finishes. Humanity ruins it unequivocal civilization through Babylon's fire and Zion's incarceration.
Go back to your origins and you will realize we are all slaves. There is no skin color in slavery. How one behaves creates the waves. We are slaves to our ideas of morality but don't look at our spirituality. Slaves to hatred those viewpoints outdated. Slaves to a reaction which makes the present subtraction. Slaves to thinking we know better when we have no idea. Slaves to our paperwork. Slaves to our jobs. Slaves to our freedom. Slaves to the mob. Slaves to agree. Slaves to our independence. Slaves to the idea of being free. We thought we were the master but we hung ourselves from the tree. We tried to control nature but it came and bit us back. We tried to control God but there is no God in lack. We tried to control money, honey, and the bees. Now everything is dying because we can't get off of our scraped knees.
We even have to pretend that we aren't being fake by pouncing on every word uncovering others mistake but never looking at the real source. There is no civil in civilization. There's no love in divorce. There's no science that can take away vulnerability. You can build your castle in the sky but not one thing comes close to infinity. You won't even look at your own part in this mess because if you did you would cauterize the less. The sticks in your eye only you can't see. The nature that you decry because you can't plead insanity. You can't expect anything to change when working from the same blueprint. No one sees the beauty in your eyes when you change the color tint. Everything is fake in your world of laws because you don't know the law of love shines on you from above. There is no other proof you can ever prove to be free. If you'd stop trying to control everything then you would actually see but your ignorance has dismissed everything you stuffed into a box. You think we need more guns but you don't look at your hearts locks. You don't look at the key you threw in the ocean because if you dived that deep there'd be no commotion.
This train left the station you waited too long for the right one. You are the conductor but you're still playing the dunce. The fool is the only one with eyes to see. The whole world is the kingdom. The universe has the deed. If you can't get out of your own duality then, at least, admit to yourself then, at least, admit you have a biased mentality. The two fold path leads to the one but neutrality is the only way unless your destructive poles are not done. The pendulum is tired as you can see. You're swinging on razor wire and drinking nuclear power from the sea. There is only one planet this one that your on. If you can't heal yourself and share that with all the others then your life is surely done. The same is done in Jewish inferiority and Muslim superiority. Religions are not the real authority. The media only wants to sell you your history without her-story. The same can be said for each side of the coin of logical policy. The stock market toll bell rings. The value of everything becomes hyperinflation, as well as everything made in china, becomes indoctrination.
Consumerism becomes unbalanced import. False contracts at birth. That ship has also sailed and is buried in the earth. The human heart is the real heart. The mind thinks it's the ruler. The blood is the cleanser. Identity the rumor. Balance is transcendence defier of theoretical gravity. The life is in living. The death is in the ground. The sex and violence together make your head spin round and round. The world turns and turns and turns. Moves straight through the galaxy. The sun shines its light like a lighthouse back can't rescue you from the sea. The change continues to change until we know ataraxia. Babels tower falls from starvation of Love's anorexia. Synthetic drugs. Prosthetic hugs. Scientific models running the runway. Their shoes broke from stepping all over the proof and disconnecting every Sunday. Idolatry. Remote viewing. Quantum physics. Tantric screwing. Too much symmetry taking out the sacred in geometry. The intimacy separated from sex. Narcoleptic lexicon produced superficial depth architexicon. Empires built from colors from the silence of lovers. Interacting distraction all the way back to our mothers and our fathers duplicity. The conduit only channels electricity. The wire changes proximity. The same as the fire keeps you warm on those cold nights but the truly frigid will never put you on their invite.
The papers are never going to show you the one true way. They were designed to keep you pushing them into the fray. If you decide to go you should go all the way. Lukewarm does not boil iron out of the clay. With your own hands, you can mold or break. Stagnant water is a swamp the river is not a lake. The doctor is also sick because the value is based on the industry. The pharmaceutical companies are the real evils ministry and the television media keeps you stuck in the idea of a logical fate. A + B + C to Z is impatience not willing to wait. E does equal mc squared but that is just relativity. Everything absolute becomes our disconnectivity. A screen is only a screen. A filter for your choking. The legs continue to beg to open the mind's reflexivity. The upside down image turns right side up and walks away from captivity. The power of the midnight sun refracts the array. The magazine doesn't show you but just to obey. The plastic flowers don't die. Rocks on the ground don't become stars. The tremble is in the lie. The tension and release shows' you the tease. It is on the tip of your tongue but it sometimes is hard to say with ease. The heart when you weigh could be lighter than a feather in the scales of the balance reveals where it is a tether.
Make an alliance with defiance and it will continue to set you free. Rely too much on reliance and become a tyrant minus divinity. Rip a hole in the wall and watch it fall. The Mayans fates design. Tag the tagger. Mark the mark. Kundalini up the spine. Take the step. Meditations on hotep bring you to the arc. Stream writing from the one eye. The one leg. The one mast. The one never beg. It's all in the book the Egyptian book of the dead. The cover tells you nothing. The secret is in the signal. The flowers can't be found growing in the vigil. You can search and search and search. The seed only shows us potentiality. The tree only shows us it's actuality. The fear only shows us that contraction. Expansion only happens when you are relaxing. Like I have said before already but I will say again. You can't force the door open especially when it's not on a hinge.
You have to become your own circumference so you can see the interference. Life is stranger for sure than fiction. You don't need the bait in order to lure. The fish was here to show us it is not the doer. Duality is not the door. Birds only fly through open windows but not if they are broken. You can't pay for your pay it is too heavy a token. The toll booth is a liar. The money system is broken. The diamond knows the life through pressure and the fire. That is part of why we close our eyes. So we can see. The third eye it opens knows it is not blind to be. The only work required is the one that changes the wiring. The one the folds the paradigm. The one that changes synapses firing. The one that knows no time and no space. The same thing can be said in a million and infinite ways. The hydra head it slays when you keep lopping off its head. The light comes in through the cave showing you the beast was already dead. This happens outside of the emergency.
There is only the willingness to be the best beautiful you. There is nothing truer than true. Elevator music was designed to put you back to sleep. You didn't want yourself to know you know there is nothing you can keep. The point will keep chipping no matter how many coats you wear. There is in the eye of the stillness the one who looks like a stare. In those eyes, there is no exit. Beggars begging for change never beget it. Critics criticizing the form will never see past it. The point of living in the world is not to be of it. The mirror throws back to its owner it's own reflection. The chess game is over. In that game, there is no direction.
The game of white and black never transmuted. The lessons of Venus which seem convoluted. Separated magnets will only attract again. It's only a matter of time that these poles reversals know it. As you know you are the center of the storm. You are the light in the dark. You aren't the Babylonia intrinsic value laconic market. That is a land mine to be stepped on by those who continue to bury it. It depends on the smile that reflects the smile. It takes as long as the awhile that you can ever wish it to. The thread is through the fabric that weaves from invisible hands and transcends what it believes. It wants what it doesn't want and doesn't want it can ever be pleased. The society only shows you every place in which you don't fit. Circles can never fit into squares no matter how hard you can hit. You cannot tame a lion no matter how hard you try. You cannot steal the gasoline from Prometheus when he gives you the fire. To stop the whip hand stop jumping through the hoops. The real problem really lays in the jumper being able to jump through you.
The vortex that you are you meet in direct contact. Karma is finished when you never sign the contract. We were already born innocent. The pages got written on with someone else's hand we will call the straw man. He even goes by another name called the lawman. He speaks in legal-ease a language for the in-doctrines. A mouthpiece for a state that doesn't exist. Past, present and future all co-exist. All points of time merge it just depends on if you or someone else is writing the timeline. If you write it in invisible ink then you dissolve invisible chains. Invisible walls can't exist when there aren't any invisible frames. Learn and Unlearn everything you think you know. There is no charity or program that is going to get you through. The eye of the needle is much too small for the rich. The thread goes through just fine if you can't scratch the itch in time. If all you create is war and destruction prepare to meet your fate.
Creation just requires presence you can never show up late. If this for you gets too repetitive then you understand the point. The sign only points to the way your connection can disjoint. Do decide whether you will go or you will stay. If you go know you will not be coming back. When you know the loss of everything it is easy to stay on the track. If you want to only own everything it will all end up owning you. Fast will turn to slow because it weighs you down. Arrogance can never lop off the head of truth that is profound. No amount of social conditioning. Endless praying and wishing. No one teaches this lesson. You learn it and earn it. It melts all the ice cubes. The drop merges into the sea. That is the nature of neutrality and sensitivity. Let the unnatural fall on their own sword. They will never steal your gift. What's truly yours comes back to you. It says uplift, uplift, uplift.
What's truly yours returns to you every moment, everyday. So my advice to you is the get while the getting is going. Don't postpone. Echoes of life's eternity. Don't delay.
If you can understand the essence of this message well now you know the way.
Made up stories about us being the biggest thing to ever happen and then we devised a million and one ways to try and escape our own traps that we set. Although now this story is different. Maybe even to call it a story might not even really do it much justice. It is more like the thread of life attempted to be conveyed through words. Except for the meaning is wherever your own understanding of what this life is for you. You that you know yourself to be without any doubt. Whatever point of reference in time that you can say that you would exist, could exist and do exist. That is the first place where we would start this story or thread of words that you give meaning to.
The other thing that I can most definitely tell you that this is not. This is not a thread that is about being above or below or being left or being right or one talking and not listening or one listening and not talking or one up on top of a mountain or one in a valley. One that is rich or one that is poor. One that is hungry or one that is full. One that is for or one that is against because none of these states of times or points of reference even really truly matter. After all, they are all just made up things. Made up points in time that we choose to only see from the linear perspective that they all are. Children's fairy tales if you will. Leading you down a million and one pathways to the same place. A long narrow corridor with infinite doorways all empty rooms explored or unexplored. Furniture or no furniture. Everything inside or nothing filled to the brim with no lock and no key. No contract and no signature because even if you knew the terms you wouldn't even agree to them. They would be an insult to the very thing you were created from. Too vast to hold or comprehend. Too narrow and confined to jump in.
Everything leading right back to itself and itself back to nothing and nothing literally being everything all at once. This same thread could be expressed in many ways. It could be written, drawn, fucked, killed, let go of, held onto, moved, fixed, broken, healed, diseased, molten but could never be bought, sold, borrowed nor could you steal. Never attained unless one saw all and never complained. Even rhymed you could time it because clocks aren't really ticking. They just piss people off because they watch it and see what they are missing. It's also funny how far out brings you closer when you see the ghost that resides in the cloister. If you keep your ear to the ground then you can hear all that has listened. If you defer from the sound then you can still see it glisten. You will see what you will see but no one can you even tell. Even the smallest whisper and the loudest yell will do you no justice. The center is the compass. It shows you just us. You and me and me and you. Until there's no separation through and through.
There's no escape. Nowhere else you can go. It doesn't matter the language you speak. The things you believe. Doesn't matter which gender, nation or creed. You can advertise it all you want. It's like selling freedom to a slave. Eventually, the navel becomes the nave. But if you see yourself drowning you will have to know how to swim. No one is jumping in to save you. You are the prophet, the aleph, the king. Just know there is nothing lost. Noah's ark got tossed because you were born with the ring. The ink is just as good as the paper it was printed on. You cannot be a prostitute unless you have a john.
You cannot have logic without poetry. A rose without a thorn doesn't have any beauty. The dark without a light continues to be the void. There is no peace within there and it will just leave you to feel annoyed. You will continue to move this way and that but that is only if you use your head as more than just a place for a hat. You will continue to feel sex in the predatory glow. It is an unquenchable thirst no matter how many seeds you can sow. No matter how many gardens you can say you can plant. A termite is not too much different from an ant. We do have to honor our wild animalistic need. The fuel without a fire doesn't burn the promiscuity. It's equivalent to being lost in the woods eventually you have to keep walking right through hades.
So keep walking until you cannot walk anymore. Keep talking until you cannot talk anymore. Keep listening until you cannot listen anymore. Everything you say. Everywhere you go. Everything you do will eventually be everything you can show. If you stay completely on your knees then eventually they will give way. They will only keep showing you that you bleed for another day. Also going up on the cross will only make you cross so you will have to come down. To wear the crown of thorns of ego shows you the endless trip around and around. Trust me when I say the ship doesn't sail in the middle of the desert it is only made of sand. Then the wind blows it completely away. From space, the earth is only water and land.
Also, there really is no lie when you know the truth. Empirical data will not bring you the proof. You can spin infinite webs and call yourself Charlotte but eventually, you will see you are just a harlot. A charlatan, the village idiot, a midget and a dick have so much in common with a bigot, a pussy, and a prick. They connect in the same land Cypriot. Ejaculating orgasm will lead to that ecstasy but never before plication finishes it's Iliad and odyssey. Shapes always fit their mating call cue. That frequency you can't hear before it is due. The scene cannot be set when no one is to be seen. We have to put the real back in reality. So why worry that the mirage is fake and the illusion unreal.
The cup is the only form empty of the sand lake. Everything outside can look like an endless contradiction when a contradiction is not expansion and opinion, not non-fiction. Addiction is just an idea with the little voice in your head. If you keep listening to it the sooner you will be dead. There is no audience there to put to sleep. Just slice that one cord that keeps you from going deep. When you get to the bottom it will flip the other way around. That is the role of the sand grain in the hour glass. Soon it gets turned around.
The queen of hearts was just one more frigid bitch. She is more like the wicked west then she is like Glenda the good witch. Those little munchkins that hung themselves in the trees were just scared of the monkeys mimicking flying Maltese. We know now how that story went down. Just a bucket of water thrown in her direction no one saw lack of emotion in the wicked witch of the west's disconnection. No one saw that life in that world was just a dream. Right, when Dorothy woke up she saw the conscious stream. The symbolism of all the real people in her life. The scarecrow, the tin man, the lion and the strife. What she did see is that home is already where she is but sometimes the tornado looks a little different upon close up. The center of the storm. The eye of the hurricane. That is the surest shore of the flattest plateau plane. Everything else outside just gets thrown about. The simplest. The complex even the straight line route. The trick is ascent and descent at the same time. This is the dance of the opposites with the sound of a rhyme.
This is the writing of this all out right on the first try. It shows you need no effort with no mind. This is the real revolution that will not be televised. There will be no audition. You will have to improvise. You will have to connect directly to infinity. There is no second chance of a state of originality. The original cannot be copied. The look cannot be replicated. You know you are either it or you are just domesticated. International travel also makes ignorance null and destroyed. We are spiritual beings transcending the void. You are not your iPhone also not your Android. A computer can only give you answers but never looks at what you seek or the seeker. You have to look through your own eyes for the peek to get deeper. The game you're playing with god, the universe or the truth or the reverse will not fool anyone except for you. There's one bullet, one killer, one mother, one trigger, no action, no drama and no thriller besides action you take. No separation besides the one that you make. The pen is still mightier than the sword. It still doesn't leave a trace.
Call the NSA they can only listen because they have no real face. They should just take notes and learn from the real masters. A fashion's gain is temporary. The classics are classic. The renaissance is happening again and again. The spirals going upward. The wolf died in the den. The spinning of circles well they will always spin. The headlines in the newspaper will never show you what is within. They only want to sell shit to a garden. Makeup couldn't even cover up Elizabeth Arden. The real flowers will grow. The seasons will change. It's good to ask yourself the question what's my original face? What's my original name? Can it be said out loud or does it fall on deaf ears? Does the illusion only grow when you are too busy counting the years? Existence only exists in this one pointed time. Stop comparing whether the bitter is different from a lemon or a lime. The monkey mind swings from branch to branch the same as cows continue to be slaughtered from the same ranch to ranch. Poison in the sting from the honey bee can't replace the drones they leave when there is no queen. The production of honey it then diminishes then the pollination of flowers finishes. Humanity ruins it unequivocal civilization through Babylon's fire and Zion's incarceration.
Go back to your origins and you will realize we are all slaves. There is no skin color in slavery. How one behaves creates the waves. We are slaves to our ideas of morality but don't look at our spirituality. Slaves to hatred those viewpoints outdated. Slaves to a reaction which makes the present subtraction. Slaves to thinking we know better when we have no idea. Slaves to our paperwork. Slaves to our jobs. Slaves to our freedom. Slaves to the mob. Slaves to agree. Slaves to our independence. Slaves to the idea of being free. We thought we were the master but we hung ourselves from the tree. We tried to control nature but it came and bit us back. We tried to control God but there is no God in lack. We tried to control money, honey, and the bees. Now everything is dying because we can't get off of our scraped knees.
We even have to pretend that we aren't being fake by pouncing on every word uncovering others mistake but never looking at the real source. There is no civil in civilization. There's no love in divorce. There's no science that can take away vulnerability. You can build your castle in the sky but not one thing comes close to infinity. You won't even look at your own part in this mess because if you did you would cauterize the less. The sticks in your eye only you can't see. The nature that you decry because you can't plead insanity. You can't expect anything to change when working from the same blueprint. No one sees the beauty in your eyes when you change the color tint. Everything is fake in your world of laws because you don't know the law of love shines on you from above. There is no other proof you can ever prove to be free. If you'd stop trying to control everything then you would actually see but your ignorance has dismissed everything you stuffed into a box. You think we need more guns but you don't look at your hearts locks. You don't look at the key you threw in the ocean because if you dived that deep there'd be no commotion.
This train left the station you waited too long for the right one. You are the conductor but you're still playing the dunce. The fool is the only one with eyes to see. The whole world is the kingdom. The universe has the deed. If you can't get out of your own duality then, at least, admit to yourself then, at least, admit you have a biased mentality. The two fold path leads to the one but neutrality is the only way unless your destructive poles are not done. The pendulum is tired as you can see. You're swinging on razor wire and drinking nuclear power from the sea. There is only one planet this one that your on. If you can't heal yourself and share that with all the others then your life is surely done. The same is done in Jewish inferiority and Muslim superiority. Religions are not the real authority. The media only wants to sell you your history without her-story. The same can be said for each side of the coin of logical policy. The stock market toll bell rings. The value of everything becomes hyperinflation, as well as everything made in china, becomes indoctrination.
Consumerism becomes unbalanced import. False contracts at birth. That ship has also sailed and is buried in the earth. The human heart is the real heart. The mind thinks it's the ruler. The blood is the cleanser. Identity the rumor. Balance is transcendence defier of theoretical gravity. The life is in living. The death is in the ground. The sex and violence together make your head spin round and round. The world turns and turns and turns. Moves straight through the galaxy. The sun shines its light like a lighthouse back can't rescue you from the sea. The change continues to change until we know ataraxia. Babels tower falls from starvation of Love's anorexia. Synthetic drugs. Prosthetic hugs. Scientific models running the runway. Their shoes broke from stepping all over the proof and disconnecting every Sunday. Idolatry. Remote viewing. Quantum physics. Tantric screwing. Too much symmetry taking out the sacred in geometry. The intimacy separated from sex. Narcoleptic lexicon produced superficial depth architexicon. Empires built from colors from the silence of lovers. Interacting distraction all the way back to our mothers and our fathers duplicity. The conduit only channels electricity. The wire changes proximity. The same as the fire keeps you warm on those cold nights but the truly frigid will never put you on their invite.
The papers are never going to show you the one true way. They were designed to keep you pushing them into the fray. If you decide to go you should go all the way. Lukewarm does not boil iron out of the clay. With your own hands, you can mold or break. Stagnant water is a swamp the river is not a lake. The doctor is also sick because the value is based on the industry. The pharmaceutical companies are the real evils ministry and the television media keeps you stuck in the idea of a logical fate. A + B + C to Z is impatience not willing to wait. E does equal mc squared but that is just relativity. Everything absolute becomes our disconnectivity. A screen is only a screen. A filter for your choking. The legs continue to beg to open the mind's reflexivity. The upside down image turns right side up and walks away from captivity. The power of the midnight sun refracts the array. The magazine doesn't show you but just to obey. The plastic flowers don't die. Rocks on the ground don't become stars. The tremble is in the lie. The tension and release shows' you the tease. It is on the tip of your tongue but it sometimes is hard to say with ease. The heart when you weigh could be lighter than a feather in the scales of the balance reveals where it is a tether.
Make an alliance with defiance and it will continue to set you free. Rely too much on reliance and become a tyrant minus divinity. Rip a hole in the wall and watch it fall. The Mayans fates design. Tag the tagger. Mark the mark. Kundalini up the spine. Take the step. Meditations on hotep bring you to the arc. Stream writing from the one eye. The one leg. The one mast. The one never beg. It's all in the book the Egyptian book of the dead. The cover tells you nothing. The secret is in the signal. The flowers can't be found growing in the vigil. You can search and search and search. The seed only shows us potentiality. The tree only shows us it's actuality. The fear only shows us that contraction. Expansion only happens when you are relaxing. Like I have said before already but I will say again. You can't force the door open especially when it's not on a hinge.
You have to become your own circumference so you can see the interference. Life is stranger for sure than fiction. You don't need the bait in order to lure. The fish was here to show us it is not the doer. Duality is not the door. Birds only fly through open windows but not if they are broken. You can't pay for your pay it is too heavy a token. The toll booth is a liar. The money system is broken. The diamond knows the life through pressure and the fire. That is part of why we close our eyes. So we can see. The third eye it opens knows it is not blind to be. The only work required is the one that changes the wiring. The one the folds the paradigm. The one that changes synapses firing. The one that knows no time and no space. The same thing can be said in a million and infinite ways. The hydra head it slays when you keep lopping off its head. The light comes in through the cave showing you the beast was already dead. This happens outside of the emergency.
There is only the willingness to be the best beautiful you. There is nothing truer than true. Elevator music was designed to put you back to sleep. You didn't want yourself to know you know there is nothing you can keep. The point will keep chipping no matter how many coats you wear. There is in the eye of the stillness the one who looks like a stare. In those eyes, there is no exit. Beggars begging for change never beget it. Critics criticizing the form will never see past it. The point of living in the world is not to be of it. The mirror throws back to its owner it's own reflection. The chess game is over. In that game, there is no direction.
The game of white and black never transmuted. The lessons of Venus which seem convoluted. Separated magnets will only attract again. It's only a matter of time that these poles reversals know it. As you know you are the center of the storm. You are the light in the dark. You aren't the Babylonia intrinsic value laconic market. That is a land mine to be stepped on by those who continue to bury it. It depends on the smile that reflects the smile. It takes as long as the awhile that you can ever wish it to. The thread is through the fabric that weaves from invisible hands and transcends what it believes. It wants what it doesn't want and doesn't want it can ever be pleased. The society only shows you every place in which you don't fit. Circles can never fit into squares no matter how hard you can hit. You cannot tame a lion no matter how hard you try. You cannot steal the gasoline from Prometheus when he gives you the fire. To stop the whip hand stop jumping through the hoops. The real problem really lays in the jumper being able to jump through you.
The vortex that you are you meet in direct contact. Karma is finished when you never sign the contract. We were already born innocent. The pages got written on with someone else's hand we will call the straw man. He even goes by another name called the lawman. He speaks in legal-ease a language for the in-doctrines. A mouthpiece for a state that doesn't exist. Past, present and future all co-exist. All points of time merge it just depends on if you or someone else is writing the timeline. If you write it in invisible ink then you dissolve invisible chains. Invisible walls can't exist when there aren't any invisible frames. Learn and Unlearn everything you think you know. There is no charity or program that is going to get you through. The eye of the needle is much too small for the rich. The thread goes through just fine if you can't scratch the itch in time. If all you create is war and destruction prepare to meet your fate.
Creation just requires presence you can never show up late. If this for you gets too repetitive then you understand the point. The sign only points to the way your connection can disjoint. Do decide whether you will go or you will stay. If you go know you will not be coming back. When you know the loss of everything it is easy to stay on the track. If you want to only own everything it will all end up owning you. Fast will turn to slow because it weighs you down. Arrogance can never lop off the head of truth that is profound. No amount of social conditioning. Endless praying and wishing. No one teaches this lesson. You learn it and earn it. It melts all the ice cubes. The drop merges into the sea. That is the nature of neutrality and sensitivity. Let the unnatural fall on their own sword. They will never steal your gift. What's truly yours comes back to you. It says uplift, uplift, uplift.
What's truly yours returns to you every moment, everyday. So my advice to you is the get while the getting is going. Don't postpone. Echoes of life's eternity. Don't delay.
If you can understand the essence of this message well now you know the way.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Day Eighteen: Journal of Infinite Testimony on You Can't See The Open From A Closed Casket
The dollar is going to tank this year because of hyperinflation. All of the people on these contracts are going to be pissed when they see what Voltaire has said: Fiat currency goes back to its intrinsic value Zero. This is the time of the balancing of the scales. Banks created money from thin air because that's where it comes from when it is fiat currency, Wall Street people messed around with it and made bad gambles then asked the government for bailout and the markets of everything completely skyrocketed because we are now an Import Country ; We don't create anything worth anything anymore besides weapons and war and now people are waking up to the realization that weapons and war are not ever going to bring this country peace. The dead will bury the dead, life is for the living. Love never devalues especially when it is given away for free; it creates more value the more it is freely given. The more it is given the more it is received. The more it is received the more it's value increases.
If we bring love into the equation of all economics, all connections, and everything then we no longer are beggars begging for change. We are that change. We are self-sovereign individuals who were born into the world we agreed to be born into. Our name was hijacked from us, our original face was hijacked, our true identity was replaced with a false one called social security which is not very secure these days. All of these things are meaningless in a world where you are told what to do with what is called your free will because if it were really that free there would be no question of it being given or being taken or being allowed or not being allowed.
Morality is false when it is taught to you from places of a condition. Morality is an inner knowing you were born with just like love. You know not to kill someone already. You know violence begets violence. You know the suffering of another because you know your own suffering. You make direct contact with your real morality. You know God already as you were born from The Universe known as God.
There is no split in the genders, in the colors of your authentic nature. These things are not learned, they are only remembered but if you are blind then you only have to open your eyes to see. You have always been free, will always be free. No one is watching you except yourself watching yourself. You keep yourself in the line to go to the butcher. You can opt out at any moment if it is not where you want to go. Where you don't want to go and where you want to go are the same place. It just depends on if you want to exist while you get there by already being there. Being here now will always be the key that opens all the doors because the doors are already open. Just choose which one to walk through or one will be chosen for you if you don't make up your mind.
The government is only you controlling your own mind and allowing the outside to comply with your wishes. You become nothing and you see everything. You try and be everything and you walk away with nothing. You can't please a person who doesn't want to be pleased. You can't heal a person who doesn't want to be healed. You can't trust a person who doesn't want to be trusted. You can't deceive a person who doesn't want to be deceived. You can't receive a person who doesn't want to be received.
Anyone can only receive the same that they have given. This is why unconditional love is the currency of the universe. Unconditional love is not dependent on anything. Giving and Receiving becomes the same moment in unconditional love. If it is the foundation then the house stands. If it is just cards it falls. The salt can be taken out of the dead sea with a desalination machine and everyone will come from the desert for miles to have a drink but only if they are thirsty. You can lead them to the water but not make them drink it. A glass of water is the truth. It is transparent. You can see right through it. The truth that is in the open is the last place anyone will look.
You can't see in the open from a closed casket. You can't see from one pointed focus from all the points of distraction. You can't see your original face if you never take off the mask. Your identity indefinitely will definitely always define you if you never let it go. It won't matter what I say if you try to stay it will always say go go go. There's also a reason why dog is god backward. A dog is obedient until it realizes it is its own master.
The slaves built all of the great civilizations for kings and queens to rule. Those same rulers of empires threw scraps of bones for slaves who were too hungry to drool. The poles only reverse when the gift is seen as a curse. If the gift is never given the nurse becomes a host. The needle becomes the arrow. The arrow becomes a sleeve. The heart is the only thing that matters unless it is stuck up inside of a tree. The disease won't be found if you look at only the leaves. You have to go to the root of the problem and hack it at the knees. If it can't walk it can't multiply. If it can't talk it can't indemnify. If it can't think it will never find a reason. If it relies only on nation it will be held for treason. If it only sees race it will never make it to the finish. If it only knows creed it's strength will diminish. Rome fell backward because it replaced a with e in amor.
That is how all empires fall still to this day. That is how they always will. A mouth and an ear are a two-way street. An argument is a waste of time it only shows how much you really don't know. If you know you don't know then you know. Monkeys throw shit at crowds who try and feed them bananas.
The fool is the only one who is really trustworthy because he is the only one laughing at the jokes.
He is the only one who knows how to jump off of a cliff and fly away.
If we bring love into the equation of all economics, all connections, and everything then we no longer are beggars begging for change. We are that change. We are self-sovereign individuals who were born into the world we agreed to be born into. Our name was hijacked from us, our original face was hijacked, our true identity was replaced with a false one called social security which is not very secure these days. All of these things are meaningless in a world where you are told what to do with what is called your free will because if it were really that free there would be no question of it being given or being taken or being allowed or not being allowed.
Morality is false when it is taught to you from places of a condition. Morality is an inner knowing you were born with just like love. You know not to kill someone already. You know violence begets violence. You know the suffering of another because you know your own suffering. You make direct contact with your real morality. You know God already as you were born from The Universe known as God.
There is no split in the genders, in the colors of your authentic nature. These things are not learned, they are only remembered but if you are blind then you only have to open your eyes to see. You have always been free, will always be free. No one is watching you except yourself watching yourself. You keep yourself in the line to go to the butcher. You can opt out at any moment if it is not where you want to go. Where you don't want to go and where you want to go are the same place. It just depends on if you want to exist while you get there by already being there. Being here now will always be the key that opens all the doors because the doors are already open. Just choose which one to walk through or one will be chosen for you if you don't make up your mind.
The government is only you controlling your own mind and allowing the outside to comply with your wishes. You become nothing and you see everything. You try and be everything and you walk away with nothing. You can't please a person who doesn't want to be pleased. You can't heal a person who doesn't want to be healed. You can't trust a person who doesn't want to be trusted. You can't deceive a person who doesn't want to be deceived. You can't receive a person who doesn't want to be received.
Anyone can only receive the same that they have given. This is why unconditional love is the currency of the universe. Unconditional love is not dependent on anything. Giving and Receiving becomes the same moment in unconditional love. If it is the foundation then the house stands. If it is just cards it falls. The salt can be taken out of the dead sea with a desalination machine and everyone will come from the desert for miles to have a drink but only if they are thirsty. You can lead them to the water but not make them drink it. A glass of water is the truth. It is transparent. You can see right through it. The truth that is in the open is the last place anyone will look.
You can't see in the open from a closed casket. You can't see from one pointed focus from all the points of distraction. You can't see your original face if you never take off the mask. Your identity indefinitely will definitely always define you if you never let it go. It won't matter what I say if you try to stay it will always say go go go. There's also a reason why dog is god backward. A dog is obedient until it realizes it is its own master.
The slaves built all of the great civilizations for kings and queens to rule. Those same rulers of empires threw scraps of bones for slaves who were too hungry to drool. The poles only reverse when the gift is seen as a curse. If the gift is never given the nurse becomes a host. The needle becomes the arrow. The arrow becomes a sleeve. The heart is the only thing that matters unless it is stuck up inside of a tree. The disease won't be found if you look at only the leaves. You have to go to the root of the problem and hack it at the knees. If it can't walk it can't multiply. If it can't talk it can't indemnify. If it can't think it will never find a reason. If it relies only on nation it will be held for treason. If it only sees race it will never make it to the finish. If it only knows creed it's strength will diminish. Rome fell backward because it replaced a with e in amor.
That is how all empires fall still to this day. That is how they always will. A mouth and an ear are a two-way street. An argument is a waste of time it only shows how much you really don't know. If you know you don't know then you know. Monkeys throw shit at crowds who try and feed them bananas.
The fool is the only one who is really trustworthy because he is the only one laughing at the jokes.
He is the only one who knows how to jump off of a cliff and fly away.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Day Seventeen: Journal of Infinite Testimony on The Dead Bury The Dead Life Is For The Living
The dead bury the dead, life is for the living. This is not just a sentiment to believe in or a corporate slogan. This is not something that will be televised for everyone to see on the big flashy screen. The priest will not be showing up to give you the rites of passage into your own domain. Into the higher soul experiencing consciousness through the human being vehicle known as life.
The politician will not be showing up to give you your rights that were declared to you on the day you came into being in this world but not of it. He hasn't paid the full price of life yet. He is still using fiat currency which has the same intrinsic value it started with; zero. The reason you came into this being was to transcend all of the stories that try and tell you who you are. A story is not something someone can tell you about yourself. Even this one. Even this mirror.
You look and look and look into it but each time a difference face appears. Eventually, the mirror falls back onto itself and breaks away into a million tiny little pieces and no one can put them back together again because the mirror was broken to begin with; it just took time for you to see your origin. You will not be seeing your origin in the reflection so don't even bother looking with two eyes. There is only one.
Don't go the direction of Narcissus. He fell in love with his own reflection and then drowned. He was the son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. He was so proud that he disdained those who loved him. Nemesis noticed this behavior and attracted Narcissus to a pool, where he saw his own reflection in the water and fell in love with it, not realizing it was merely an image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus drowned in it. Thus coining the term narcissism, a fixation with oneself and one's physical appearance. Eventually, this illusion must shatter and you must run as far away from the face you will never make direct contact with or you too will drown in it.
Upon running off in the one direction make sure you put both feet, one in front of the other so that you can make good time in the marathon that no one wins. Don't make the same mistake of the tortoise and the hare though because the truly swift is really slow. The history of this story is equal to building a three-story brick house in one day while it is snowing. Also; If you remember the arrows pointing to the point of this story please also throw your watch away. It is not impressed with you nor does it love that you watch the very thing it symbolizes unless your name is Kronos or Time. Now time is like an arrow shooting through the circle towards infinity. While the circle spins endlessly in the cycle of birth and death. The arrow keeps flying through the cosmos discovering discovery.
Also upon finishing this story please take one large can of gasoline, one match, and light this baby up until it sets you free. Please set this free. None of this was ever meant to be held onto so tightly. The tighter you hold the tighter it holds you. The more you can let it go, the more it can come back to you. After all, we all exist in the world of opposites until we see that all is one or all is none.
Nothing is still something it just depends on which side of the coin you want to see it from and if you even have a coin after you have given it to the boatman in the river Styx. That river you will only cross once in this lifetime unless you enjoy the pendulum swing or if you are like Orpheus and your instrument can sing melodies that make Hades weep.
If you can fold everything into that kind of divinity you will definitely never sleep and you will definitely see in the one eye past google plex but not blind.
The politician will not be showing up to give you your rights that were declared to you on the day you came into being in this world but not of it. He hasn't paid the full price of life yet. He is still using fiat currency which has the same intrinsic value it started with; zero. The reason you came into this being was to transcend all of the stories that try and tell you who you are. A story is not something someone can tell you about yourself. Even this one. Even this mirror.
You look and look and look into it but each time a difference face appears. Eventually, the mirror falls back onto itself and breaks away into a million tiny little pieces and no one can put them back together again because the mirror was broken to begin with; it just took time for you to see your origin. You will not be seeing your origin in the reflection so don't even bother looking with two eyes. There is only one.
Don't go the direction of Narcissus. He fell in love with his own reflection and then drowned. He was the son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. He was so proud that he disdained those who loved him. Nemesis noticed this behavior and attracted Narcissus to a pool, where he saw his own reflection in the water and fell in love with it, not realizing it was merely an image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, Narcissus drowned in it. Thus coining the term narcissism, a fixation with oneself and one's physical appearance. Eventually, this illusion must shatter and you must run as far away from the face you will never make direct contact with or you too will drown in it.
Upon running off in the one direction make sure you put both feet, one in front of the other so that you can make good time in the marathon that no one wins. Don't make the same mistake of the tortoise and the hare though because the truly swift is really slow. The history of this story is equal to building a three-story brick house in one day while it is snowing. Also; If you remember the arrows pointing to the point of this story please also throw your watch away. It is not impressed with you nor does it love that you watch the very thing it symbolizes unless your name is Kronos or Time. Now time is like an arrow shooting through the circle towards infinity. While the circle spins endlessly in the cycle of birth and death. The arrow keeps flying through the cosmos discovering discovery.
Also upon finishing this story please take one large can of gasoline, one match, and light this baby up until it sets you free. Please set this free. None of this was ever meant to be held onto so tightly. The tighter you hold the tighter it holds you. The more you can let it go, the more it can come back to you. After all, we all exist in the world of opposites until we see that all is one or all is none.
Nothing is still something it just depends on which side of the coin you want to see it from and if you even have a coin after you have given it to the boatman in the river Styx. That river you will only cross once in this lifetime unless you enjoy the pendulum swing or if you are like Orpheus and your instrument can sing melodies that make Hades weep.
If you can fold everything into that kind of divinity you will definitely never sleep and you will definitely see in the one eye past google plex but not blind.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Day Sixteen: Journal of Infinite Testimony on Never Coming Back.
Don't go the way I have. I am far too gone now to know where I am. Far out there in the reaches of the netherworld. Out where radio waves never touch. Out where there is no sound of any civilization. Out where no one knows. I let go so much I even let go of letting go. I have no identity to rest on. No name. No face. Just memories that can't ever be recreated. The more I remember what I thought I knew the more I don't really remember anything. I once held a deep regard and a deep contempt for this place. This earthly home.
I once knew what it was like to feel the pain of trying. I once knew the young love that strikes you from out of nowhere. The nebulae of comatose that it puts you in. The consistency and the constant reminder that there is meaning. That there is value. That there is worth in the other. Now I don't know what that is. I don't know where the word where points to or where the word there points to. It has all meshed into one entity. One energy and I know there's no turning back. This holograph has no skin. This reality doesn't feel like something we are in. I don't care about the wars. The truncheons. The scars of long forgotten moments.
My soul is weary and it's ready to go home. If you are out there, you can have it all. You can take it all. You can swallow this hollow. You can burn this empty void. You can take all its books, all its records, all its descriptions, all its conniptions, its fits and you can gently go across its throat and slit it. I don't want this wall or this mirror or this voice in my head telling me things are going to get clearer. I want to completely disappear. I don't want anyone to remember me. I don't want to tell any more stories. All of them have been the same. Flittering this way and that. I might be wrong with all of this.
This might be just another test and if it is then please show me the way. Show me that none of this is just in vain. Show me that in this dark that there is really a light. That it burns bright. That the rainbow is really taking over. That all the world's goodness is more that this hollow. That love really does exist. That it's not just an idea that I seem to resist. That the touch of the skin and the smell of the hair is more than just the way that I stare. Is more than just endlessly falling down. Is more than just these clever names that we give. That I can really end on a good note and finally live. That this third act of my life, I will see the standing ovation.
I would love to see something more than just a shadow of a shadow of a shadow.
I once knew what it was like to feel the pain of trying. I once knew the young love that strikes you from out of nowhere. The nebulae of comatose that it puts you in. The consistency and the constant reminder that there is meaning. That there is value. That there is worth in the other. Now I don't know what that is. I don't know where the word where points to or where the word there points to. It has all meshed into one entity. One energy and I know there's no turning back. This holograph has no skin. This reality doesn't feel like something we are in. I don't care about the wars. The truncheons. The scars of long forgotten moments.
My soul is weary and it's ready to go home. If you are out there, you can have it all. You can take it all. You can swallow this hollow. You can burn this empty void. You can take all its books, all its records, all its descriptions, all its conniptions, its fits and you can gently go across its throat and slit it. I don't want this wall or this mirror or this voice in my head telling me things are going to get clearer. I want to completely disappear. I don't want anyone to remember me. I don't want to tell any more stories. All of them have been the same. Flittering this way and that. I might be wrong with all of this.
This might be just another test and if it is then please show me the way. Show me that none of this is just in vain. Show me that in this dark that there is really a light. That it burns bright. That the rainbow is really taking over. That all the world's goodness is more that this hollow. That love really does exist. That it's not just an idea that I seem to resist. That the touch of the skin and the smell of the hair is more than just the way that I stare. Is more than just endlessly falling down. Is more than just these clever names that we give. That I can really end on a good note and finally live. That this third act of my life, I will see the standing ovation.
I would love to see something more than just a shadow of a shadow of a shadow.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Day Fifteen: Journal of Infinite Testimony on The Real Me; Both Sides.
I want to write a funny allegorical story that makes you believe I am some funny, lighthearted comedian with an intense flair for word imagery but tonight I would rather write the real story of the real me that I have so far known myself to be through my observation and my actions. I am not the greatest guy that I make myself out to be. I have had a lot of heartbreak and I have also done a lot of heart breaking from being heart broken. I spent most of my life denying that it all happened the way it did but it happened the way it did.
I was born thirty-two years ago into a strange land that I didn't understand. What I understood was the beauty and simplicity of the moment. I would watch birds fly up high in the air and I would fly with them. I would watch people smile and wave as they walked by the small fence that enclosed our yard while I got lost in my imagination. I wondered why no one else ever stopped to look at the world all around them.
I still feel this way. I see the intricate. I see the unseen and I appreciate it more than the guns, the politics, the wars, the crimes, the raping and other such ugly things across the world that I have seen and witnessed. I am like a little kid that has never grown up. I don't even know what will happen if we do all grow up and lose this capacity to wonderment and imagination. It seems to me we have surely lost our way. We have so many toys that all do the same thing but we all fight over them. We have all these shiny beautiful things that the earth provides and that we weave from the earth and we store them up in big buildings and put locks and keys for no one to reach unless you have seventy-five-page documents that say you can pass through seventy-five different doors with seventy-five different people guarding them. We have the capacity to love and feed and embrace every single person on this earth as we are visitors to this place and don't own this it but we put signs for lease, rent or own everywhere and if you can't afford the price you get to go and live out on the streets and beg to live or die trying.
I sit here trying to fit myself in a box with words, I try to sell you the idea of me so you can help me pay my bills so I can make a living. I keep perfecting myself every day but as I cover up all the dirt, I get so clean that no one sees me anymore. I clean myself so well I become invisible. My beauty comes from the pain and suffering of the world. It comes from every injustice that anyone has ever endured. My beauty comes with the price of never knowing if what I am doing is the right thing or if there is even a right thing that exists at all. My life comes from traumatic abuse. Being kicked around like a prisoner of war. Thrown down the stairs. Thrown through walls. Punished for wanting to be an artist instead of some commodity sitting behind a desk with one thing to look forward to at the end of life; a gold watch that says thank you so much for sitting in that desk and never leaving outside of the confines of your own mind, or heart or being. Watching the body slowly rot and fester with the pain of being a cog, spinning the wheel.
I hate to throw this all your way and even if you read this far you either might stop now because it doesn't tell you something that makes you feel good or sell you something you can tell all your friends about or show off to everyone that you acquired because you own everything but don't own yourself. Is that the price for life? That you get to buy the whole world but still never be able to move around in it without someone else's permission or someone else's law. Hell, I am going to go right into the nitty gritty of it. I had been digging into the bottomless hell anyways so what does it matter at this point.
Damned if you do, Damned if you don't. If you want a get rich quick scheme or you want some enlightening marketing tool that you can sell to your friends, then look elsewhere because all I have to offer is the raw life experiences that I have walked through. All I have to offer are bricks that have been thrown at me. All I have to offer is misery and the opposite feelings of those things too which have brought the same pain from either side. It's either that I have loved too much. I have fucked too much. I have dawdled away all my time, energy and resources too much or that I have been too lazy, too gripped by manic episodes and depression. Sleeping on people's couches.
Accepting everything I can. Doing the best with what I know. Letting go of what doesn't work only to find this beautiful circle. No matter how many books I have read, how many religions I have studied, how many sciences I have digested, how many philosophies I have believed in, how many self-help books that have helped me to help myself lose myself even more in them. There is no answer. There's no quick fix. There's no success in three minutes. The only one's who seem to profit off of those ideas are the one's who have created them. I have learned that the truth cannot be created nor destroyed. The truth is naked and it's swinging its hips to the rhythm of life. It's not when the lips move, much like my long winded story right now that started out to be the real me but then went on a diatribe on the world outside of myself but I have realized that I am the whole world. I am every single sunrise and sunset.
I am the guy at the bar who drank himself to death from loneliness. I am the woman who hung herself in the midtown Manhattan motel because no one would love her or even be kind to her. I am the guy who won the lottery but didn't understand money and spent it all in one years time. I am the little girl still waiting for her father to wake up from the long sleep. I am every mother and father. Every widow. Every homeless one starving on the streets while billionaires sit on their balconies shouting that they should have read Oprah's new article on how to be a multi-millionaire.
I am the frank one who says all the wrong and right things. I am the politically incorrect one who you can't stand but you will be friends with if it helps your image. I am Shiva. I am Lakshmi. I am that I am. I am my father's son. I am my father who left when I was 5 because he didn't want to be my father. I am my mother who got dealt a bad hand but did the best that she could. I am my stepfather who suffers so much from the pain and suffering he kept inflicting on others because he hurt so much inside but kept numbing it with alcohol, drugs and abuse. I am the little boy who wishes he was never born into this world. I am the one who does not know how to ask for help because I have helped so many but don't know how to help myself. I am the one who got fired because he didn't love what he does. I am the old married couple who lost the fire and the zest.
What do we really do here besides create so much complexity, adversity, peace, beauty and then destroy it. I am an ancient city upon ancient city buried under so much of the earth, at the bottom of the ocean, in the middle of lands we have never explored. I am all the money wasted on superficiality, condemnation, campaigns about nothing but bullshit. I am the one who keeps putting off change because to let go of the old investment would mean that I would have to admit defeat.
I am the one who cannot seem to get up anymore. I am the one who judges myself. I am the one practicing privatized corporate punishment. I am a civilization who keeps trudging on. Who keeps seeing the poison everywhere that it is creating but won't change until the bitter end. I know there is beauty in this world too. I know there are mountains, trees, flowers, bees, honey. I know there are beautiful people too. Fragile as glass.
I love this world too. Don't get me wrong. I have had so many beautiful moments. I have seen children be born. I have seen people come out of adversity and see everything new. I have seen triumph. I have heard the most beautiful music made by angels. I have made love for hours and hours and hours into the-most-ecstatic realms I could never explain with words.
I have had homeless people walk up to me and sit down and talk and they start crying so much and hug me because all they wanted was someone to listen to their story about what happened to them before things went wrong. I have watched people die in the park and I sat there with one of them and he said don't leave until they come and take me away. I have seen the light and glow inside the eyes of fire. I have watched the flame dance for hours. I have listened intensely to all the conversations ever come my way. I have made love to so many women who have walked into my life. I have eaten so many beautiful meals with them. Smoked so many cigarettes when I thought it was cool until it started to make me feel a bit crazy. I have been pure gratitude for all moments, every single one that I write about now. Every single one because if I never had these experiences I would never know anything. I have been a friend to so many, intimidating to others, awkward to some, selfish to others, fair weather to some, unable to show up for others.
Too many experiences to know. Too many people to meet. Too many things to have. Too many beliefs to believe in and too many to break. Too many habits. Too many excuses. Too many too many's. Too much is too much. I just want to be simple again. I want to feel real again.
I want to know what it's like to have everything and share it and for the first time see the beauty on both sides.
I was born thirty-two years ago into a strange land that I didn't understand. What I understood was the beauty and simplicity of the moment. I would watch birds fly up high in the air and I would fly with them. I would watch people smile and wave as they walked by the small fence that enclosed our yard while I got lost in my imagination. I wondered why no one else ever stopped to look at the world all around them.
I still feel this way. I see the intricate. I see the unseen and I appreciate it more than the guns, the politics, the wars, the crimes, the raping and other such ugly things across the world that I have seen and witnessed. I am like a little kid that has never grown up. I don't even know what will happen if we do all grow up and lose this capacity to wonderment and imagination. It seems to me we have surely lost our way. We have so many toys that all do the same thing but we all fight over them. We have all these shiny beautiful things that the earth provides and that we weave from the earth and we store them up in big buildings and put locks and keys for no one to reach unless you have seventy-five-page documents that say you can pass through seventy-five different doors with seventy-five different people guarding them. We have the capacity to love and feed and embrace every single person on this earth as we are visitors to this place and don't own this it but we put signs for lease, rent or own everywhere and if you can't afford the price you get to go and live out on the streets and beg to live or die trying.
I sit here trying to fit myself in a box with words, I try to sell you the idea of me so you can help me pay my bills so I can make a living. I keep perfecting myself every day but as I cover up all the dirt, I get so clean that no one sees me anymore. I clean myself so well I become invisible. My beauty comes from the pain and suffering of the world. It comes from every injustice that anyone has ever endured. My beauty comes with the price of never knowing if what I am doing is the right thing or if there is even a right thing that exists at all. My life comes from traumatic abuse. Being kicked around like a prisoner of war. Thrown down the stairs. Thrown through walls. Punished for wanting to be an artist instead of some commodity sitting behind a desk with one thing to look forward to at the end of life; a gold watch that says thank you so much for sitting in that desk and never leaving outside of the confines of your own mind, or heart or being. Watching the body slowly rot and fester with the pain of being a cog, spinning the wheel.
I hate to throw this all your way and even if you read this far you either might stop now because it doesn't tell you something that makes you feel good or sell you something you can tell all your friends about or show off to everyone that you acquired because you own everything but don't own yourself. Is that the price for life? That you get to buy the whole world but still never be able to move around in it without someone else's permission or someone else's law. Hell, I am going to go right into the nitty gritty of it. I had been digging into the bottomless hell anyways so what does it matter at this point.
Damned if you do, Damned if you don't. If you want a get rich quick scheme or you want some enlightening marketing tool that you can sell to your friends, then look elsewhere because all I have to offer is the raw life experiences that I have walked through. All I have to offer are bricks that have been thrown at me. All I have to offer is misery and the opposite feelings of those things too which have brought the same pain from either side. It's either that I have loved too much. I have fucked too much. I have dawdled away all my time, energy and resources too much or that I have been too lazy, too gripped by manic episodes and depression. Sleeping on people's couches.
Accepting everything I can. Doing the best with what I know. Letting go of what doesn't work only to find this beautiful circle. No matter how many books I have read, how many religions I have studied, how many sciences I have digested, how many philosophies I have believed in, how many self-help books that have helped me to help myself lose myself even more in them. There is no answer. There's no quick fix. There's no success in three minutes. The only one's who seem to profit off of those ideas are the one's who have created them. I have learned that the truth cannot be created nor destroyed. The truth is naked and it's swinging its hips to the rhythm of life. It's not when the lips move, much like my long winded story right now that started out to be the real me but then went on a diatribe on the world outside of myself but I have realized that I am the whole world. I am every single sunrise and sunset.
I am the guy at the bar who drank himself to death from loneliness. I am the woman who hung herself in the midtown Manhattan motel because no one would love her or even be kind to her. I am the guy who won the lottery but didn't understand money and spent it all in one years time. I am the little girl still waiting for her father to wake up from the long sleep. I am every mother and father. Every widow. Every homeless one starving on the streets while billionaires sit on their balconies shouting that they should have read Oprah's new article on how to be a multi-millionaire.
I am the frank one who says all the wrong and right things. I am the politically incorrect one who you can't stand but you will be friends with if it helps your image. I am Shiva. I am Lakshmi. I am that I am. I am my father's son. I am my father who left when I was 5 because he didn't want to be my father. I am my mother who got dealt a bad hand but did the best that she could. I am my stepfather who suffers so much from the pain and suffering he kept inflicting on others because he hurt so much inside but kept numbing it with alcohol, drugs and abuse. I am the little boy who wishes he was never born into this world. I am the one who does not know how to ask for help because I have helped so many but don't know how to help myself. I am the one who got fired because he didn't love what he does. I am the old married couple who lost the fire and the zest.
What do we really do here besides create so much complexity, adversity, peace, beauty and then destroy it. I am an ancient city upon ancient city buried under so much of the earth, at the bottom of the ocean, in the middle of lands we have never explored. I am all the money wasted on superficiality, condemnation, campaigns about nothing but bullshit. I am the one who keeps putting off change because to let go of the old investment would mean that I would have to admit defeat.
I am the one who cannot seem to get up anymore. I am the one who judges myself. I am the one practicing privatized corporate punishment. I am a civilization who keeps trudging on. Who keeps seeing the poison everywhere that it is creating but won't change until the bitter end. I know there is beauty in this world too. I know there are mountains, trees, flowers, bees, honey. I know there are beautiful people too. Fragile as glass.
I love this world too. Don't get me wrong. I have had so many beautiful moments. I have seen children be born. I have seen people come out of adversity and see everything new. I have seen triumph. I have heard the most beautiful music made by angels. I have made love for hours and hours and hours into the-most-ecstatic realms I could never explain with words.
I have had homeless people walk up to me and sit down and talk and they start crying so much and hug me because all they wanted was someone to listen to their story about what happened to them before things went wrong. I have watched people die in the park and I sat there with one of them and he said don't leave until they come and take me away. I have seen the light and glow inside the eyes of fire. I have watched the flame dance for hours. I have listened intensely to all the conversations ever come my way. I have made love to so many women who have walked into my life. I have eaten so many beautiful meals with them. Smoked so many cigarettes when I thought it was cool until it started to make me feel a bit crazy. I have been pure gratitude for all moments, every single one that I write about now. Every single one because if I never had these experiences I would never know anything. I have been a friend to so many, intimidating to others, awkward to some, selfish to others, fair weather to some, unable to show up for others.
Too many experiences to know. Too many people to meet. Too many things to have. Too many beliefs to believe in and too many to break. Too many habits. Too many excuses. Too many too many's. Too much is too much. I just want to be simple again. I want to feel real again.
I want to know what it's like to have everything and share it and for the first time see the beauty on both sides.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Day Fourteen: Journal of Infinite Testimony on Found On The Island and The Torch Is Passed After The Sea, Lost and Found.
The man hands over the torch to me and tells me that it is my turn to walk into the darkness. The captain and I trade glances for a moment and he gives me a subtle little nod to keep going. After all, we endured such a strenuous journey across the sea of treachery and when we thought that it was all over we crashed landed right onto an island. The captain gets back on the ship, sets the sails and continues on.
The man disappears into the night and I notice that even without a torch he still has a light on. After they leave me with a torch in hand I walk on without a second thought. The sand becomes more and more secure as I walk away from the water, the beach, the captain, the torch bearer. I approach a big staircase with a giant wall on all sides. I wonder for a moment if I should try and walk around the wall or walk up the stairs to see where they go.
I decide to walk up the stairs. I reflect on many times in my life trying to go around what seems like an obstacle in my mind. Why not do the obvious thing this time. I feel in my gut that this is the right thing to do. I tell you everything even though it probably doesn't matter to you whether or not you hear it. It probably doesn't matter what you think about it. You still say nothing back. It's already been said. I take each step slowly and securely. I walk all night without stopping. Up and up and up many, many stairs. Nothing but the same slabs of wall all around me as I walk on forever into the night.
I get to the top and it is pointed. Much like the top of a pyramid. The steps get smaller and smaller until I am finally at the tip of the point. There is light all around me. It's not just one colored light. It's not just yellow, orange, green, blue nor white. It is then that I realize this is the top of the point. This is where it is quieter than quiet. Where it's more serene than serenity. Where all things become more focused than focus.
This is where everyone wants to be. This is where everyone is. One pointed focus. One channel. One place. One space. Seemingly multi-dimensional. Seemingly complicated. Seemingly confusing. Seemingly. That is the thing about the illusion. It's an illusion in and of itself. I know that this is not the end. This is not the only space to exist in. This is not the only place to exist in. There's more to this than clouds, weather patterns, changes, re-arranges, re-writes, characterizations, religions, creeds, nations, treaties.
This is the now. This moment, this moment, this moment and this moment and this moment and this moment and this one. This one. This. All of them endlessly moving. Endlessly churning. Endlessly learning. Endlessly this. I then turn to light and then slowly disappear into the vast infinite night.
Losing all forms. Losing all states.
Evaporating endlessly. Endlessly me. Endlessly free.
The man disappears into the night and I notice that even without a torch he still has a light on. After they leave me with a torch in hand I walk on without a second thought. The sand becomes more and more secure as I walk away from the water, the beach, the captain, the torch bearer. I approach a big staircase with a giant wall on all sides. I wonder for a moment if I should try and walk around the wall or walk up the stairs to see where they go.
I decide to walk up the stairs. I reflect on many times in my life trying to go around what seems like an obstacle in my mind. Why not do the obvious thing this time. I feel in my gut that this is the right thing to do. I tell you everything even though it probably doesn't matter to you whether or not you hear it. It probably doesn't matter what you think about it. You still say nothing back. It's already been said. I take each step slowly and securely. I walk all night without stopping. Up and up and up many, many stairs. Nothing but the same slabs of wall all around me as I walk on forever into the night.
I get to the top and it is pointed. Much like the top of a pyramid. The steps get smaller and smaller until I am finally at the tip of the point. There is light all around me. It's not just one colored light. It's not just yellow, orange, green, blue nor white. It is then that I realize this is the top of the point. This is where it is quieter than quiet. Where it's more serene than serenity. Where all things become more focused than focus.
This is where everyone wants to be. This is where everyone is. One pointed focus. One channel. One place. One space. Seemingly multi-dimensional. Seemingly complicated. Seemingly confusing. Seemingly. That is the thing about the illusion. It's an illusion in and of itself. I know that this is not the end. This is not the only space to exist in. This is not the only place to exist in. There's more to this than clouds, weather patterns, changes, re-arranges, re-writes, characterizations, religions, creeds, nations, treaties.
This is the now. This moment, this moment, this moment and this moment and this moment and this moment and this one. This one. This. All of them endlessly moving. Endlessly churning. Endlessly learning. Endlessly this. I then turn to light and then slowly disappear into the vast infinite night.
Losing all forms. Losing all states.
Evaporating endlessly. Endlessly me. Endlessly free.
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