Day Eleven: Journal of Infinite Testimony on Pavlov's Dog Bites The Hand That Feeds

The dog sits and waits patiently for the master to return. The master brings a bag of food for which he will feast upon. The food is poured into the bowl as the bell is rung. The moment after it rings he starts chomping bit by bit into the hard grained dog food. He takes a drink of water. Eats some more. He drinks water then walks over to a blanket on the floor. He turns in three circles and collapses onto the blanket. Lets out a big sigh. Closes his eyes and then falls asleep. The master turns the lights out and goes outside onto the porch to smoke a cigarette. He loses himself in deep thought. His thoughts concern the ringing of the bell and the reward of food to the dog. He knows that every time he rings the bell; the dog will know it is about to eat. The moment after it is rung he puts the food into the dish and the dog eats. Drinks water from the bowl. Walks over to the blanket. Turns in three circles and then collapses onto the blanket. Lets out a big sigh. Closes his eyes and then falls asleep. He only gets up to eat and then goes back to sleep. The master turns the light off and leaves to get more groceries at the local grocery store. He lights up a cigarette while he walks. The wind blows. He gets lost in thought about the bell ringing and the dog eating and how he turns off the light and smokes a cigarette then walks to the grocery store. On the way to the grocery store a bell rings from a nearby street car. This causes him to become hungry. He rolls a cigarette and smokes it. Luckily he also has an apple in his pocket and he starts to munch on it. This cures his appetite. He goes into the store and looks through all of the isles at the wonderful food. He has a certain amount of money which leaves him to many possibilities of buying whatever it is that he would like to. He remembers to buy plenty of vegetables and fruits because they are good for his stomach and digestion. He also buys a bag of tobacco to roll up cigarettes. He walks out of the door of the grocery store and a bell rings. He stops and rolls a cigarette and smokes it while walking. He arrives at home puts the groceries away. The phone rings. He rolls a cigarette. The dog is hungry. The bell is rung. The dog attacks the master and bites his hand almost all of the way off. The man grabs a shotgun out of a filing cabinet and shoots the dog. He picks up his hand and slowly stitches it back together. The front door rings. He rolls a cigarette. Takes a pencil and writes on the wall the number 7. The door bell rings again. He lights up the cigarette and answers the door.

Day Ten: Journal of Infinite Testimony on The Sea, Lost, Found

You get on the ship to go out into the sea. The ship is at the dock and your getting on with all the others. Everyone is dressed as if they are going to get wet. Its cold. The air that you breathe is so crisp and nice as it goes through your nostrils into the lungs and then you exhale and you can see your breath take off and fly away and disappear into thin air. Everyone is going out into the sea to look for something you are not sure even exists but you know that this is where you want to go. This is what you want to do. The captain asks if everyone is aboard and your packed to the brim on this little ship. So many mixed feelings you have about going out into the middle of nowhere with all of these people around you and no chance of escape once you get out there. No one knows anyone on this ship. You look around you and there are all these faces you have never seen before. All these feelings arise even more of helplessness. The ship sets its course and heads out of the mainland. You look at the land and watch it slowly disappear behind you. The more you move outside of the familiar terrain the more terror you start to feel inside of you. Who are all of these people around me? Why did I get on this ship? What exactly am I looking for? Are all of these people on this ship with me looking for the same thing? We move further and further out to sea. There's nothing out here. Open sky and a vast flat landscape of blue ocean on all sides. The people start to gather in small groups and discuss things like politics, religious beliefs, scientific discoveries, tragedies, triumphs, climbing mountains and then falling down them. They ask silly questions about the existence of non-existence and why does rain feel wet and other such nonsensical ideas about ideas. This is the usual conversations in my dreams. In my dreams on the open sea on this ship with all of these people they show me newspaper headlines of buildings collapsing, people screaming, obituaries. The people start talking louder and louder and louder. So loud that eventually no one hears anyone. So loud that you can't even call it loud anymore because it becomes one giant frequency of sound. The captain points off into the distance and I look and see a storm brewing. Lightning. Big waves. Pouring rain. We all start panicking seeing all of this right ahead of us. What do we do? There is nowhere to go. There is nothing to do. The ship starts getting tossed around by the big hungry sea. We all start huddling together. Waves crash onto the boat. We start slipping. The rain pours harder and harder. It tears us down. The sky turns grey and gray and grey. The waves start to overpower us. They start crashing onto the floorboards of the ship. The captain becomes mad with some odd delight in this maneuvering the collapsing sea. He smokes a pipe as he becomes more unsatiated. More he screams. More! MORE!!! His eyes turn red. People are screaming. They all try to run but there is nowhere to go. Everyone is piled up on everyone. The waves are pounding people off of the ship. People jump ship. Woman and children scream for each other. They hold each other. Man jumps overboard. Another woman overboard. Another man. No one is talking anymore. No one has anything to say. Its happening. They know it's happening now. Everything they ever talked about. Everything they ever wished for. Every aspect of an aspect of an aspect. Every devilish grin. Every invitation for disaster. Every thought about the end of everything. Every creative thought and feeling about the destruction of creation. The sea is taking its victims. It swallows them whole without a second thought. It doesn't have time to think. This is nature. This is natural. I stand there in the center of the ship and watch this all happen. The ship is getting tossed around. Everyone gets thrown overboard over a period of time. The rain slowly stops. The waves slowly disappear and its just the captain and I now. The infinite sea all around us and we are all alone. The sea swallowed everyone. We drift on as the sun slowly sets over the horizon. The captain comes down from the ships helm. We talk for awhile while he smokes a pipe. We go down into the ships belly and make some food. Everything is now calm and clear. We hear a loud crash and head back outside for a moment. We crash into an island. There is a man standing in the distance with a light in his hand.

Day Nine: Journal of Infinite Testimony on Seeds, Sprouts, Trees, Moneys

A seed falls from the sky into the fresh soil that has been toiled. It sits there as the sun gives it sunshine. The clouds come in and it starts to rain. Pools of water start to collect in the soil and the seed starts drowning in it. The seed starts falling under the soil as the water penetrates it and opens it up. As the water crashes onto the soil it covers the seed. The seed is buried inside of the soil. It stops raining. The night comes. The seed sits under the soil and rests with the moon. The wind blows. The sun comes up over the horizon and gives its light. The seed feels its warmth under the blanket of the soil. Then suddenly the seed starts to open little by little as a sprout slowly pushes its way out of the hard shell. The soft sprout keeps pushing as the seed gives birth to something new. Something it never knew it had inside of itself. The sprout pushes harder and harder. The clouds come in and rain on the soil and give it water. The sprout drinks. The moon comes. The winds blow. The morning comes again. The sun warms the blanket of soil. The sprout pushes out again. The seeds shell breaks. The soil moves. The clouds come in and it rains soaking the sprout. The sprout drinks and grows bigger. The sun shines and warms the soil. The sprout pushes itself out of the soil so it can see the sun. The moon comes out. It sits silently. The wind blows. The sun comes up and warms the sprout that is starting to grow into a plant. Limbs start appearing. Green tender limbs. The clouds come and it rains. The plant drinks. The plant turns greener and greener. The moon comes out. The wind blows. The plant grow more and more. The sun comes up and warms the plant. The clouds come in and it rains. The rain falls to the ground and collects in puddles. The plant drinks the water. The winds blow. The moon comes up. The plant grows into a small tree. The small tree sits silently. The sun comes up and warms the tree. The tree grows bigger. Leaves appear. People come in and clear out other trees next to it. The sun comes. The clouds come and it rains. The tree drinks. The moon comes. The tree stands in silence. The winds blow. The sun comes up. Homes are built. Grass is grown. Driveways are poured. Mail is delivered. The lawn is mowed. The tree has grown much bigger. The sun has given it warmth. The rain has given it a drink each day. The moon has shown it silence. The winds have blown to give it air. The sun comes up again. The people eat breakfast as the sun comes up and gives it warmth. The tree grows more. The sun shines as the kids run around on the grass in the yard. The leaves fall. The kids go inside and are tired. The moon comes up. The tree silently blows in the wind. The home turns into many houses. The people grow into many people and families. The mailman delivers so much mail now that is from the trees. The tree grows. The rain falls. The wind blows violently. The leaves fall. The people make a city. Everyone is bustling here and there and everywhere. Everything is cement. The tree is alone. People walk by. People drive by. The mailmen are delivering bucket loads of mail that has come from the trees. The moon comes out. The tree grows bigger and bigger and bigger. The city grows bigger and bigger and bigger. The people need more and more and more and more. The cars drive and drive and drive. The building grow so big that sunshine doesn't shine in as much anymore. The leaves fall. People fall in love. People work. People drink coffee. Trains go back and fourth on the tracks. Neighborhoods burns down. Neighborhood are built. Everyone is busy. Time flies by. The sun comes up. The buildings block the sun. It rains. The trash falls down in rivers. The people make the city bigger. Computers take over everything. People don't think anymore. No one knows what to do with anything anymore. People consume. People die. The tree dies. They take the tree and make money out of it. People lose connection with nature. City officials fill in the hole where the tree was with cement. The one dollar bill turns into a million dollar bills and then into a trillion dollar bills and then into a gazillion dollar bills. No one thanks the tree. The tree that plays so much of a role in the lives of everyone in this world. 

Day Eight: Journal of Infinite Testimony on Going Up Up Up and Going Down Down Down

You move from one location to another location, to another location, to another location. You walk here to there from there to here and back to there again. Your up, your down, your all around. One minute lost in the air and the next crashing to the ground. You fly towards the sun, you fall back down to the earth, you fly to the moon, you fall back down to the earth again. You jump into the ocean. You swim onto the beach. You jump into the ocean again. You swim to the bottom. Gasping for air. Holding it all in to see what is down there at the bottom. You swim back up to the surface again. You sit still in a room and everything is moving. You move all over the place and everything seems like it never moved. You look out one window in one city. You look out another window in another city. You meet this person. You meet that person. That person meets a person who knows the other person you just met and that person knows a person you have always known. That known person knows another person who knows another person who is a doctor. That doctor knows a nurse. That nurse knows a millionaire. That millionaire knows a security guard who knows someone who works in a coffee shop who sells coffee to someone who plays guitar in a band who used to play music with someone else that you used to know. This thought leads to this emotion as this emotion leads to this action. This action leads to this opportunity. This opportunity leads to this place as this place leads you to this person who present another opportunity that leads you to another opportunity. That leads you to another place that leads you to another person that leads you to another place that leads you to another opportunity. You jump back into the ocean and swim to the bottom.

Day Seven: Journal of Infinite Testimony on Narrowing It All Down To Be With You

I have been you and you have been me. Me has been someone else as someone else has been another that I never knew. Someone arrived. Someone left. Someone stayed in the same place. Anyone I knew before I no longer know and I no longer know anyone I will know because it hasn't happened yet. Anything that hasn't happened yet might not happen because I do not know what is going to happen until it is happening. While it is happening, it has already happened the moment I have written down that it is happening. This makes it possible that I have already died. I am dying and I have also yet to die. I have died as everyone over forty two billion years. I am dying now as we all die. Both you and I. I and you. You that you know yourself to be. You that you think yourself to be. You that you will never be. You that you already were. You that had been here, there, everywhere and nowhere. I that I had been, I that I am, I that I will be and I that I never was, will never be, could never be, should never be, would never be, was. I was Joan or Arc burned at the stake. I was hitler taking over a whole race. I was Zeus. I was Charis. I was Elizabeth Bathory. I was Vlad the Impaler. I was Nosferatu. I was the beginning of time. I was time itself. I am no time. I am no mind. I am all that was, is and will be. I was the camera. I was the file. I was the cabinet. The government. I was the psychic. The psychiatrist. The communist. Socialist. I was the banner. The planner. The image. I was you and you were me. I was the lens. The film. The trace. The copy. Disgrace. I was atheism. Hinduism. Magic. Tragic. I was every father, mother, child, sister, brother. I was the sun. The moon. I am pure awareness. Pure consciousness. Pure Love. Pure devotion. Pure evolution. I am one with all and all is one. This is what it is. I am not any of anything anymore that you think I am only I have the eyes to see me. You are the thing that you think I am. I am the thing I think you are. I am done TRYING to do things. Trying to make things happen. I am the thing I was looking for. I had left but now I have been found. I can tell you anything that is not and everything that is but it won't make a difference. The stick has been removed from my eye. The burn has been healed. This is an example of a paragraph that depicts many ideas of things that were, things that are, things that may be. Possibly. I am the center of the wheel that does't move while it spins around and around. I am the ship that sails around the world looking for something that never will be found. I am the conversation that goes in one ear and out the other. I am the father that is also a mother, a son, a lover, a brother, a grandfather. I am forty two billion years old and I am ageless. I am the clock that has stopped ticking. I am my own contradiction. I am my own best friend. I am my own sadness. I am joy. I am love. I am everything under the sun. I am you. I move when I never do. I see what I never saw. I taste what I never ate. I digest you. You digest me. I am a sand grain in a deserted sea. I am the depth of the ocean. I am everything undiscovered. I am everything uncovered. I am every lover. I am a tear. I am laughter. I am a scream. I am a dream. I deal with you. I steal with you. I feel you. I thought of you. I spoke of you. I called you. If I call, please answer. If I knock please answer the door. If I give you enough know that there is always more. If I confuse you then know that there's more to make sense. If you thirst then it will be quenched with more thirst. If you hunger then know that you will be fed with more hunger. If you think yourself to be then know there will be more to be. It was already decided. Everyone has ideas. No one has any idea.

Day Six: Journal of Infinite Testimony on Dreams of Other Worlds At War

In dreams in sleep things happen that go beyond the wildest of imaginations, the wildest of conceptions, the wildest of sweet anythings. This wild imagining took place in Baghdad. I have no clue how I got there or what purpose it was for me to be there. There were children running all over the grass and the palm trees were swaying in the winds. Old women were coming back from the market with bags in each of their hands. Some men were working on their cars in driveways. Others were watering the lawn, getting the mail. It was a calm peaceful, serene day. I was walking down the street and bumped into Roxeanne on the street. We both were very surprised to see each other. I had walked from one direction and she had walked from the opposite and somehow in the middle of the intersection on this fateful day we had walked to the same exact spot. This was very interesting because in my living life Roxeanne lives in Brooklyn off of Atlantic Avenue where there is a whole different kind of life going on. Where there are gypsy cabs always hailing you for rides over the Manhattan Bridge. Rasta guys selling weed and incense but always incense first. The train at this area is a hybrid of so many stops all coming together only to take back off again in different directions. Its a bleak neighborhood. So here she is. All dressed up in a yellowish white gown, pearls in her hair, diamonds in her eyes. We walk for a little while catching up as if it has been a millenia since the last time we have seen each other. It was like a whole lifetime had passed and we had a lot of catching up to do. It was a very beautiful dream. The sun was slowly setting. The night time breeze was breathing its air. Then from our of nowhere. Missiles starting to land all around us. Demolishing little kids. Everyone started to panic. Everyone starting running in a million different direction. Kids were hiding behind stone walls. People were running in and out of their homes. Cars were parking and taking off into all kinds of directions. We started running together to find a shelter. Kids were peeling up the grass and hiding underneath it. It started to get kind of crazy the dream. Things that don't normally happen in real life started to happen. Tanks started flying off the ground. Gravity started going in the other direction. It started to life everything up towards the sky. We found an underground bunker and went and hid inside. There were other people in here. We made friends and waited it out. There was a small window in the top of it and I could see out. I watched gravity start to lift everything up. Missiles. Tanks. Guns. Military people. It only lifted the things that were causing the war. It lifted them so high into the sky that there was nothing left other than what had already been there before it happened. Then at some moment there was a bunch of lights in the sky and everything blew up. Roxeanne and I held each other in the bunker and waited for a moment when we could go back outside. I woke back up on the living room floor in San Francisco. It was interesting to have been in one place somewhere else and then wake up into another place all in a few moments time. This leads me to wonder if dreams are real and if we experience multi-dimension experiences at the same exact time. Do I have other I's that live according to what those wishes are to those other parts of my psyche and self and after they have their experiences both past, present and future. Do they return other worldly information to me that benefits my growth and acceleration in the current present awakened life I have chosen to live? These experiences bring up a lot of questions about reality, dreams, other times and places and experiences. Are there many other parts of me functioning to serve other purposes? These lucid dreams have been happening to me ever since I was a child. Sometime I write them down and other times I just ignore them and don't care about what they are about, where they have taken place. Other times I wonder if it is just my brain taking all of the different information that I have read, experienced, conversations about different topics with different people piecing all of them together to make a story that I can follow in dreams so I have a story to tell in awakened state. It seems my city will not be ravaged anymore in either state. This city has been unearthed.

Day Five: Journal Of Infinite Testimony on Pounding Headaches That Leave You Feeling Like Smashing A Hammer Into Your Cerebral Cortex

Drip, drip, drip goes my serotonin into the extra neuronal space. It leaks like a water faucet. I can hear it. The pattern it makes. The empty sound all around. It's like chinese water torture. I am being tortured by the second. Drip after drip after drip and there's nothing I can do about it. My iris swells. My eyes are killing me. My brain feels like a massive lump of dead weight inside my head and I want nothing more than to smash it as hard as possible into the ground or with a hammer. This is what it is like to be intelligent, so intelligent that your brain is constantly thinking, constantly firing off synapses. A constant lightning storm. Floods of thoughts. Tsunami of dreams. Memory after memory after memory of this life I have lived so far. Of other lives I have lived before this one. Germany. Beirut. Italy. France. Man. Woman. Heir to the throne of ancient queens. Peasant in the street. Mobster losing bets. Little boy in the holocaust. Rocks. Nazi's. Boats. Colorful dreams. Mountains. Rainforests. Gunfire in the vietnam war. People running screaming. Airplanes crashing. Buildings blowing up. Submarines at the bottom of the ocean. Airliner's sinking to the bottom of the ocean. 100 ad. 200 bc. 3010. Toyko sunrises. Buildings that make no sense architectually. The subway. The airway. The highway. The lo way. No way out of here. No exit. No entrance. Conception. Millions of sperm swimming. Fucked in the back of a 57' chevy. Fucked on the side of the highway with a blown tire. Sleeping in nightmares. Buried alive. The color blue. The color red. World disasters all over. Scripts. Prophecies. Duality. Alice in wonderland. Malice through the looking glass. Brothers. Sisters. Mothers. Cousins. Grandfathers. Grandmothers. Great Grandparents. Great Great Great Grandparents. Cavemen. Lotus flowers. Mud. Buddha. Krishna. Christ. Famine. Sickness. Disease. Pearl Harbor. Wet diapers. Babies running around the streets without anyone. Seven years old. Eight years old. Nine years old. 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288. Golden spirals. Lemnascate. Magician. High Priestess. The Devil. Death. Life. Water. Air. An atom. A capillary. The sun. The moon. The ocean. A river. Meditation. Lamentation. Fear. Love. Heart. Brain. Humunculous. Ridiculous. A sentence. A word. A paragraph. A book. A novel. Fiction. Truth. Lies. Movies. Real life. Stories. Bank accounts. Money. Poverty. So many things. Not enough things. Health. Doctors. Nurses. Hospitals. Clinics. A penis. A vagina. Eye lids. Open. Closed. Out of business. The news. The weather. Belief. Religion. Faith. Hope. Authenticity. Fake. Blasphemy. Unknown. Paradoxical. Instrinsic. Part. Whole. Broken. Tossed to the side of the road. Abandoned. Left for dead. Lack of anything else to say. Too much talking. Too much silence. Space. Matter. Star systems. Movement. Rest. Vampires. Wolves. Gold diggers. Harlots. Concubines. Whores. Drag queens. Brooklyn. Manhattan. Queens. Bushwick. Williamsburgh. Alphabet City. All of the women I have ever been with. All of the women I will never be with. All of the people who know me. All of the people who don't know me. All of the people who think they know me. All of the people who see me and stare. All of the people who don't give a care. All of the people that matter. All of the people that mind. Friend. Acquaintance. Stranger. Pharaoh. Capitialism. Socialism. Ism. Aint. Is not. Will never be. Could have been. Should have been. Would have been. Past. Present. Future. Descript. Non descript. The alphabet. The numbers. Winners. Losers. Black. White. Strong. Might. Dark. Light. This way. That way. Any way. No way. Etcetera. Etcetera. Neverending. Ending one day. Forever. Never say never. This can keep going on and on and on and on and on. This is what it is like when your whole life flashes in front of your eyes and other lives you have lived also flash before your eyes and words. Things. Places. Locations. Everything. You wonder why I have a headache. Aspirin. Tylenol. Advil. Chicken. Turkey. Pheasant. Duck. Rice. Cous Cous. Indian. Moroccan. Muslim. Allah. Steeples. Churches. Mosques. Creation. Destruction. Structure. Discipline. Alaska. Antarctica. Egypt. NYC. Los Angeles. San Francisco. The holy trinity. Shiva. Brahma. Vishnu. Kali Ma. Sai baba. Laksmi. Goddess. Things I left out. Things I forgot. Things I remember. Things I don't know yet. Things I think I know. Things I will never know. Purity.